Getting to Yes*

Elsa Browning Boucka and Dicke Boucka celebrate their marriage at a reception on a Paddelford Riverboat in St. Paul, Minnesota.

* My apologies to authors Roger Fisher and William Ury, who wrote a fabulous book by that title on how to negotiate for anything without giving in. This column has to do with the negotiation that takes places internally when someone asks you to do something and your reflex is to say no.

After my wife died, I considered some of the mistakes I’d made during our 23-year marriage and vowed that in the future, if someone I cared about asked me to do something, then I would say yes unless I had a darned good reason to say no. Inertia doesn’t cut it. Trying to live this way has opened me up to new experiences and people and has nearly always made my life better.

Lately, I’ve been too busy to make many photographs because I’ve been facing a deadline: my daughter’s July 13 wedding reception. I’ve been painting my house, cleaning and redecorating to welcome guests. I’m happy to report that the reception went off without a hitch, which is a miracle considering the inclement weather and flooding that surrounded it. We boarded a riverboat in St. Paul for a sweet cruise and sit-down dinner with nearly 100 friends and family who came from as far away as Gabon, Africa, Paris, France, and from coast-to-coast in the United States. The party at my house afterwards was a blessing, and allowed me to offer headshot “party favors” to anyone who wanted one. Some did, as you can see from the gallery here.

I brought my camera and made a few snapshots of the bride and groom before the photographer they’d hired came over and asked if I was going to be her competition. I assured her that I was not. I did not want to add to her angst.

Which brings me to the title of this column. I have sworn that I’d never photograph a wedding for hire (though I like to joke that I’ll photograph divorces). The stress of getting things right is too great. Even so, I have agreed to photograph a wedding reception in August for the eldest daughter of some dear friends. The photographer they had planned to hire bailed on them and they asked me to step in. I could never turn them down, so I said yes. With luck, I’ll have something to share here after that event.

I am not a wedding photographer. I have the utmost respect for what they do, but the thought of doing this just about makes me break out in hives. Of course, that makes me look forward to it in some strange way. I do love a challenge.

Speaking of which, I am once again free to book new photographic assignments. If you want a headshot, a portrait, or documentary style photos for your website, please consider my work, then give me a call if you like what you see.

Just don’t ask me to shoot something dangerous. I just might have to say yes.